If you have been following my blog for some time or if you are just joining, you may realize that I am not a very verbal person. I am a person that likes to sit back and watch the world most of the time, jumping in when certain events touch my heart and soul. For instance, when I was younger I wanted to have 10 children, as time went on I hoped and prayed for 2. After 5 miscarriages, and being diagnosed with a sever case of Endometriosis causing me to have two surgeries to save my reproductive organs and lower abdominal organs, my hopes of having children lessened and lessened each year that passed.
In 2005 after such heartache, I was pregnant.....and joy sank into my heart. Six weeks into my pregnancy I had this weird feeling, something wasn't right....and off to the hospital I went. Once examined I found out that the scar tissue was so bad inside of me that the baby did not pass from my tubes and was lodged near my left ovary. Emergency surgery was scheduled as I was literally bleeding to death inside as my tube had ruptured.
Months went by with a deep depression building within. So I made a conscious decision to have a radical hysterectomy, forever denying me the chance of having children of my own. As I see my friends and family have children, the depression hits me harder and harder. As the years have passed I have come to realize that everything happens for a reason, even if you don't understand it at that time. Today, I realize that I am here for a reason, and I give joy to my family and friends just being me.
And today I have been blessed. My friend Rachel is 7 months pregnant, I have been by her side since day one and plan to be here to the very end, so much that she has blessed me with the greatest privilege a woman can have. She asked me to be in the delivery room with her during the birth of her daughter, she has even asked that I video the experience. If you could of seen my face today as the tears ran down my face, you would of seen that this special request has made me whole. Now I know its not the same as actually becoming a mom, but it is as close as I'm gonna get anytime soon and I truly love my relationship with Rachel and her family and am honored to be a part of this with them. She is due September 24....I'll keep you posted with every, well almost every detail as time gets closer.